not a good day

No appointments today but this is one of the worst days in a long time. Bad news all day long. I just can't get any financial assistance. I don't know if I will get in trouble if I talk bad about charities but I don't even care right now. American cancer society is a joke! All they can offer me is free wigs, transportation to treatment centers and some skin care workshops. You must be kidding me? Where do all the donations go that people make? And of course they have support groups. I'm here fighting for my life and my existence, I don't need your stupid wig!!

Then they gave me a patient advocate, just to call me and tell me she has nothing she can help me with because most charities help you one month if you can prove you can support yourself the next month. Never heard of anything like that. Then she tells me to move in with a family member. Ok Lady, how about you get more personal information about me before you give me stupid advice because then you would know I have no family in this country!

United Way, a joke! My friend and I have been trying to talk to somebody for days now but the appointments are always filled and they tell us to call back the next day. Well guess what, rent is due in a week!

The Donna foundation was my favorite. When I first got diagnosed I felt like if I needed help they will be there. Their website just sounds so promising. BS I left a message 3 times and nobody ever called me back.

To me it looks like it's about which people you know and apparently I don't know the right ones. And when they can't come up with any more excuses it's always "why don't you go back to Germany?" uuumm...how about you don't treat me like I don't belong here?? Do you realize I have an american child with a father that lives in America? Does that not give me the right to stay here? Come on, now we are tearing families apart because we are to lazy to help. I did not choose this and trust me I could do without.

So maybe next time you make donations to a charity you might wanna ask yourself who you are really helping.

Yes I am angry!!

I am angry because the hospital sent me the same bill in the mail every freaking day for the entire last week!! Do you think if I didn't respond to you on monday I will on friday? I understand they need to be paid but come on save the paper, save some trees and give me a break!! Who can come up with 880 dollars in this economy?

I'm frustrated because they keep postponing my chemo therapy. The program manager called me and assured me that it's not because I get free care. But what am I suppose to do? Sit around and wait, feeling the tumor getting bigger and bigger every day?

My hair is falling out already, without the chemo and I keep losing more and more weight. I'm not trying to sound depressed or pitiful but if something happens to me or my daughter I will start pointing fingers!