Because I received so many comments, text and messages from all of you I decided to write a Note every once in a while to keep everybody updated.
So after 250 phone calls we finally found somebody that wants to help me. I don't have insurance and I don't qualify for medicaid because I'm not an US citizen.
I got accepted for the "we care" program at the Department of Health. They are sending my records to the North Florida Surgeons and one of them will take care of me. Hopefully I will hear back from them soon.
I'm really worried. I have not talked to anyone yet that explained the type of cancer I have. And I wish I knew my treatment plan already. I'm starting to feel very exhausted every day and the lump is very tender. My ribs hurt and my shoulder and even my back. I feel dizzy every time I get up to quick. I feel my health fading away but it might just be stress that makes me feel that way.
The worst thing is the tumor itself...I can feel it. Have you ever had a open wound or a bad cut? Do you know that burning pain? That's how it feels! It's scary, especially because it's so close to my heart. It feels like I got stabbed with a knife. And I feel like my body is giving me warning signals. Like it's telling me that there is something wrong. I can't explain that feeling. I can feel it head to toe.
I was always under the impression you can't feel cancer, but that is so wrong. I can feel it and even see it. This is the first time I'm glad I have small breasts. If I was a D size I could probably not see it.
It is painful to lift up my arm or to sleep on my left side. I just want it removed from my body. It feels evil and bad. And maybe it's just in my head but that's how it feels to me.
I don't know what to expect at all. I don't know if I will get really sick. I don't know if I will have to do chemotherapy. I don't know if I will lose my breast or my hair. All I know is I'm not ready to go. I want to see my daughter grow up. I want to see how tall she will get and if her hair is going to stay curly. I want to know if her gap is staying as big as it is now. I want to take her to germany to see my mom who never saw her before. I want to be a teacher again. I want to buy an Acura TL. I want to visit my friend Alyssa in Cali...I want to do the Gate River Run next year...
So now I'm just waiting...and praying. And wondering where it came from. I talked to my mom and my dad and both said there is no cancer history in our family. Breast cancer in my age is so rare. Why did I get it if there is not even a history of cancer in my family? At first I was angry...angry with god. But now I think it has a purpose. Maybe I'm suppose to be a messenger to all the young girls who do get breast cancer but are miss informed. I want to raise awareness and save life's. I want to be a cancer survivor and help girls go through this rocky road...but let me get better first.
God has a plan for all of us. I'm not angry with him anymore. My mother in law told me "maybe you got in shape a couple of months ago because god wanted you to be healthy and prepared for this" I will never forget that.
Thank you so much for reading. I will keep writing and maybe one day this will save somebodies life.
Tell everybody about it! You can get breast cancer in your 20's!!!
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