Today is Thursday. My Chemo was on monday. I was fine until tuesday night. I thought, this is not bad and maybe I can go dancing tonight. Even my gf said, I don't think you have cancer.
Until I got my Neulasta shot. I started feeling nauseous, sleepy and dizzy. I went to sleep at 7 that night.
The morning after was even worse. When I tried to get out of bed everything turned black. My head was spinning and my stomach was cramping.
I took my nausea medicine and that helped a little bit.
But there is still the muscle pain, back pain, head ache, every little inch of my body hurts. And I don't feel like myself anymore. I can't think clear and can't concentrate. I don't know how to survive this.
I didn't think it would be that hard honestly.
Right now I don't even think I could leave the house to go to the store. I won't even make it to the mailbox.
Eating and drinking is so hard. But I know I have to do it. It doesn't taste the same and makes my stomach upset. My mouth feels so swollen but that might be from the steroids I had to take.
My hands feel like leather and it's even hard to type.
I feel like my vision has changed and I can't hear clear.
Last night I went to sleep early again. I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I was dreaming I died...twice. The first time somebody killed me and the second time I froze to death while waiting on a train.
I woke up a couple of times at night and felt like somebody broke my spine in half. It's a nightmare!!
I really don't know how I'm going to do this 5 more times. Nothing seems to matter anymore.
It's just too painful. cruel.
I feel like somebody took my life and all what's left is darkness. When I look into the mirror I don't see myself anymore. And I think about the people that are going through the same thing right now. I don't know who they are but I feel so bad for them. Nobody should have cancer!
I'm praying that it will get better soon...
I hope it gets better for you soon, take the nausea medcine and pain medicine and sleep, dont fight that. but keep fighting, PLEASE, u can do this. I know u can. I am praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI hope it gets better and easier for you soon. You have inspired me to do some research and talk with others on a subject that I know very little about. The cancer sure has caused you a lot of pain, discomfort, confusion, anxiety, etc, etc….
ReplyDeleteHere are a few things that cancer cannot do! It cannot invade your soul, it cannot suppress your memories, it cannot kill your friendships, it cannot destroy your peace, it cannot conquer your spirit, it cannot shatter your hope, it cannot cripple your love, it cannot corrode your faith, it cannot steal eternal life and it certainly cannot silence your AMAZING courage.
Please always remember that “Hugs makes Smiles” so hug Chloe, your family and friends as often as you can.