It's so late already but I wanted to share my thoughts with everyone right now.
I went dancing tonight with my friend. I told him I wanted to do something crazy tonight because I was thinking about my chemo and that I might not be able to do much soon. So he took me to Latin night...LOL
I don't think I have ever been to a place where they play latin music only, at least I can't remember.
I loved it. It was great I was just dancing and dancing and dancing all night.
And then I was thinking, this is great I have to come back next week with my girlfriends they will love it.
STOP that's not going to happen. It will be a day after my chemotherapy. Dam it, I was thinking this cancer just has to take away all the fun!!
So my friend recorded a video of me dancing and I looked great. Seriously, I pretended like I knew how to dance Salsa and nobody even noticed that I had no clue!
So this is the plan, I want to learn how to dance to latin music and I want to go back to latin night. As you probably notice there is no time for being sick, laying in bed and crying over lost hair!! And there sure isn't time for dying, not on my watch!
I'm so glad he recorded that video. I will upload it soon. I looked so alive and nobody had a clue I have cancer. That's where I want to be again very soon. I want to be healthy and alive.
So if you read this and you have cancer please make yourself a goal. Plan what you want to do when you get better so you have something to look forward to. Maybe you want to travel, do a marathon, learn how to play the piano, finally learn how to use your computer, take pictures. Don't even think for a second about dying. I highly recommend the book or movie "the Secret". It tells you about the law of attraction. Some of you might have heard of it. If you want something it will come to you. It takes practice and you might have days where you want to give up but you have to have a goal to stay positive.
I was thinking about a Will yesterday and a power of attorney and what would happen to my daughter if something happens to me and all those things are very important, but you have to let the positive thoughts outweigh the negative. Or you will fall into depressions and not even know about it.
Make a bucket list of things you want to do in life. And that's not just for people with cancer or sick people. Everybody should do that. Life is great, please don't take it for granted. You only get this one chance and like I said before, tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone.
I was very healthy 3 months ago, just lost some weight and was taking good care of myself. No family history of cancer...this can happen to you too, do you realize that?
People who know me are probably wondering why I'm getting so spiritual all of a sudden. I was always very religious, that's how I have been raised but didn't have a good relationship with god. Now I feel closer to him then ever. Don't ask me why. I can feel him right next to me all the time. Last night I was even dreaming of him. I know this might sound totally insane but it's true. He had dark hair and a dark beard. I couldn't believe that I was able to see him. I always imagined an old man with grey hair and a grey beard. But he looked so strong and powerful. I was kind of scared of him but my heart was so warm because I felt the love for him. He was not smiling and he was worried about something. And he said, don't worry child. I didn't want to go back because I knew I was safe with him, but he sent me back. I woke up and saw my daughter.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming that I saw god. I know it was just a dream.
I read that sick people have that kind of near death experience. I never believed in it and I could never imagine it would happen to me.
I'm not ready to leave yet, not until I learned every single latin dance there is...would you like to dance with me?
I look forward to reading your blog everytime it updates, everytime you say your writing, it's really a great thing to look forward to. I hope someday ill get to dance with you, I bet you're a great dancer and nobody had a clue it was the first time. There's so much to look forward to when this is all over, and I believe that your fight through everything will make you stronger, wiser, and even more resplendent person. You most likely won't be dancing next week, but that doesn't take anything away from your ability to love every second of your life. Obstacles are what makes us. It makes us who we are day after day. Chemotherapy may not be the most fun in the world, but you've been giving something that shows you who the people are in this world, that really care that you're here tomorrow. People like me, who no matter how long we don't see eachother, hang out, go to baseball games everyday, still need you to be in our lives. You're truly a privilege to know. Great people are hard to come by in this day and age, but it's people like you, and your plethora of amazing friends, that show a better side of what we take for granted. Life is about laughter, life is about fun, life is about love. A bumpy ride is ahead, but everyday will get better and better each time you open those beautiful eyes. You mentioned on facebook that you may not be what comes first to anybody. That's simply fatuity. You come first to many more people than you think. I know because I'm one of those people, from the moment I do my wake up yawn the the second I close my eyes at night, it's you, first and foremost. Nobody can take your pride, your love for everything around you, as nobody can take that from me either. I thought I knew you way back when, I came back to florida knowing that we would meet again, and I'll even say this;thank GOD that I did, because sometimes it's not knowing what you are missing, that makes life so difficult. Have more fun this week. Hell, go out every night this week, own it, live it. Ten months from now, go live it some more, with even more passion for that sweet taste of life. Every day counts if I've learned anything, the direction you take in all this inspires me on so many levels, and I thank you for that. A better man today, than I was yesterday, because of you, the one that comes first.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, your averaging about 100 views a day, hoorah!
ReplyDeleteThe Secret is a great book. They also have a new book called "The Power". Get it. Read it. Live by it. I kno I do and it's pretty life changing. Your always in my prayers!!
ReplyDeleteHallo Dani
ReplyDeleteich hinterlass dir mal ein kommentar.. wie ich dir schon in nachrichten geschrieben habe verfolge ich deinen <BLOG sehr aufmerksam. ich muss sogar zu geben das das was du schreibst/wie du denkst mir sogar auch weiterhilft das leben noch positiver zu sehen u die negativen sachen einfach veruschen zu vergessen.... Ich bin dir dafür sehr dankbar u wenn ich dich nächstes jahr besuchen kommen sollte dann zeigst du mir deine Salsa moves... mach weiter so!<3 Carina Ba