Thursday, February 16, 2012

I would like to dedicate this post to a couple people in my life.

There was I in July of 2011. I still remember the phone call that changed everything. It was in the afternoon and I was home alone, not expecting a phone call from the hospital. Chloe was taking a nap. I was so sure it was just a cyst, or whatever else you can have in your breast. Not cancer, not me. I have been healthy all my life, I couldn't get cancer. I was way too young for breast cancer. So I thought...
"I'm sorry and I wish you the best Mrs. Hughey" that's all I heard. After that I could only hear white noise.
My head started spinning. Maybe they made a mistake. I starred at the aqua blue accent wall for 30 min. Couldn't move. My throat was on fire. I couldn't even cry.
I was so confused. I tried to recall everything I learned about cancer in school. My head was spinning.
All I could think about was Chloe. Who would take care of her if I die? I looked down to my chest.
A tumor in my body? I just couldn't believe it, that only happens in movies. I felt like I was in a wrong movie. Then I just broke down and started crying...I didn't want to die!

Then weeks later I realized I had to face it. Find a doctor, find answers and treatment. That was almost impossible without insurance. I had insurance the year before but couldn't afford it anymore after my husband and I split up. I called different hospitals, doctors, charities. Nothing. Nobody wanted to help me.
I was ready to just give up. What was my other option?
So god send me one of his angels. His name is Loubens. He sat on the phone for hours and hours and did not take no for an answer. Until he finally found someone who was willing to help me.
Her name is Sue Nessbaum. She is with the "we care program" in Jacksonville. She called me at 9pm and left me a message. I will never forget what she said: "you don't have to worry anymore, we will take care of you" I knew right there I was in good hands.
I thank god for those two incredible doctors who have shown that their passion is to save lives.
That was the beginning of my journey.

I had no idea where to start. I couldn't even pronounce the word oncologist. I had no idea how cancer was treated or how Chemotherapy works. All I wondered was how long I had to live.
I went online. Tried to do research. Tried to figure out what stage cancer I was. The statistics were not very promising. I had about a 50/50 chance of survival. That meant maybe I would die, maybe not.

I couldn't understand any of the medical terms, specifics, reports. Didn't understand which doctor did what.
Didn't know what they would do to me.
So one day Chloe's great grandma gave me a number to a support group. They are called bosom buddies, a local group founded by a breast cancer survivor named Bobbi. They have breast cancer advocates who are cancer survivors as well. I called them right away. I had so many questions and needed help.
I remember talking to Lauren. She was so caring and wanted to help me. That was the first time someone said to me "I'm so sorry you have to go through this"
She matched me with Elaine.  The most loving and caring person in the world. We connected instantly.
She has been on my side ever since. Came to almost every single appointment with me. Has been to every chemo treatment. Brought me presents, flowers, books, socks, food...anything you can imagine a cancer patient would need. She cried with me, she laughed with me, yelled at me when I wanted to give up. Educated me and stood up for me, supported me educating others. Loved me unconditionally,
was on my side-always.
Motivated me to keep on going. Prayed with me...

Then I started to run out of money. I had no idea what I could do to support myself and my daughter.
I couldn't qualify for any government benefits because I'm not a US citizen. I didn't get any support from any charity either. I thought I would be homeless.
That's when my friend Pedro stepped in. He helped me pay some of my bills and created my online donation account. After that people started to get the idea of doing fundraisers for me. I didn't have to worry about money anymore and was able to focus on getting through my chemotherapy.

That's when I met an incredible strong and sometimes crazy person. I don't know how else I could describe her. My friend Michelle. I have never seen so much fire in somebodies eyes. She was on a mission after she saw me and nobody can stop her till this day. One day I will have to write a separate post just about her. I never had a dull moment with her. She made sure I had every single pink item during breast cancer awareness month, she made sure I had eyebrows during my chemo, she was the reason I even finished chemo! She made me my favorite food, which is spinach, eggs sunny side up and mashed potatoes.
She collected money for me from people who probably never donated a cent in their life.
And she always made me laugh.
I remember one specific night after my 4th cycle of chemo. We were sitting on my couch trying to figure out which roots and leaves I had to eat for pain management because I refused pain pills. I was laughing so hard I forgot all about my pain.

I also have another crazy friend. She is not there all the time but if I go through a painful procedure like surgery she drops everything and comes flying. Her name is Sinem. She is the only one crying in the waiting room while I'm in surgery. She also tells me to wear socks in 90 degree weather. A real friend.
She also complains all the time. She tells me I have to listen because I'm her friend...LOL

And then there is my little sunshine. She shines all day long...sometimes all night too.
She is the funniest person I have ever known.
She keeps my life together. I know I have to be strong for her. I get up every morning so she can have a normal life. I don't take pills so I can function right for her. It's so worth it.
I let her see all my emotions. I cry when I don't feel good. She kisses my face to make me feel better.
She kisses all my scars because that's what we do for each other when one of us has a "boo boo"
But I will never let the cancer hurt her. I'm a brick wall shielding her from it. I will not let her miss one day outside in the park or a birthday party. I will not let her get out the house without her hair brushed or clean clothes even when I can barely dress myself. I make sure she gets dinner even if the smell of food makes me sick. And I do not let anyone else take my role.
Her love is the best cancer treatment I can possibly receive. Without her I am lost.

After I was diagnosed I was drawn to a specific church. You could think I went there because it's close to where I live. I think it was a calling. I could probably name 200 people in that church that helped me.
Christians who are not only christians "by name".
Wonderful selfless, caring and loving people. People who helped me find the way to Jesus. There are not just people anymore. I call them my church family.

In Crossroad that's where I met Melissa and Barbara. Where do I start? They love free deserts and they would do anything to get them. Even use the name of Jesus for it...and then they end up feeling bad and pay for it.
They worry about me all the time. Make sure I have food all the time. They are also the reason I gained 20 pounds during chemo. They make sure I don't EVER get bored.
Sometimes they ask the leasing office manager if they can pass the gate to my apartment complex or sometimes they just run it over with their car.
There is so much I could say about those two women. But I would probably get in trouble. So all I'm going to say is that I love them from the bottom of my heart. They inspire me to be strong and make sure I have everything I need and beyond.

The last person I want to mention is somebody who just recently came into my life.
He is different. He is outside the box. Makes me look at things from a different perspective. Doesn't take no for an answer.
Before I met him I knew this disease will get me one day. Now I think there might be hope for me to be cured. He made me look beyond the knowledge of cancer I had. He gave me the promise not to leave my side through this journey. The best thing you can tell someone who has cancer.
His name is Chris.
Some people might say it's a coincidence we met-again. I call it destiny. He came into my life for a reason.

I could go on and on.
The people that I mentioned are the ones who made me the strong person I am today.
And I will fight so one day I can give back.

Life has not been easy for me but I have build a Fort around me with people who love me. They can not take away my cancer but they will protect me from everything else.
I think the world is witnessing one of gods miracles, they just don't know it yet.

Why me? For no reason. It's not about me. It's about faith, love and positive attraction.
Think about it.

7 comments:

  1. This is such a beautiful & uplifting post. I am beyond-words thankful for these people you have in your life. Don't give up! ♥

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  2. Tears of Joy. I've seen you through the best and the worst of times yet you're still strong. Dani you are truly an inspiration to me. Thank you for allowing me to be part of this journey with you. We're bonded by a never ending friendship. I will one day tell my children your story of courage and tenacity.

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  3. Dani, I am so blessed to be a part of your life and this journey. It's OK if you tell on us about the "dessert thing" but I feel sure Jesus was smiling when he would see you laugh during those dark days of chemotherapy when we found a way to make you smile. After all we did celebrate His birthday. You are a very bright spot in my life and I Love You.

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  4. Hi Dani! I'm one of the love bombers and yesterday, as i was reading this amazing story of Anita M once again, i got an idea that i should forward it to you to inspire you, too. So here it is: http://www.nderf.org/anita_m's_nde.htm
    Lots of love!

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  5. Dani,

    Though we have never met a friend had told me about how much you had changed their life and I just wanted to let you know you are such an inspiration to me. Whenever I am down or worrying about things out of my control I think of you and how strong you are though all of this. It makes me feel ashamed for worrying about the trivial things in life. I wish you and your baby a life full of happiness and good health. If anyone deserves all the blessings in life it you!

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  6. My Princess, I love you! That's all I can think to say after reading your blog post. I have not been on your blog since before you shut it down last year. This afternoon I was just thinking about you (of course, I think about you all the time) and for some reason the idea came to me to see if you've posted anything. WOW! I am truly blown away by the things you've written and am touched that you would mention me at all.
    You are a special young woman, strong, courageous and wise beyond your years. It has truly been my blessing and honor to know you and to walk this journey with you.
    Ours is a friendship, forged in tears, trials, pain, joy, courage, victories and hope. You own a piece of my heart that no one else can have. Hugs to you, Dani. Talk to you soon.

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  7. My name is Roberta Queen from Holland am here because of he wonderful thing
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    ReplyDelete