Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Fitness and Health during treatments by David Haas


Fitness and Health during treatments

Cancer patients must undergo various treatments and surgeries. During these times, many of them may feel discouraged from doing any physical activity or participating in any programs. However, it is during these times that being physically active is the most important thing that a cancer patient can do for himself.

After being diagnosed with cancer, it is very easy for the patient to feel like he has lost control of his life. Suddenly everything he knows is challenged; life itself seems vastly different than just a few days prior to being diagnosed. This feeling of losing control can severely affect a cancer patient's mindset, especially a patient with a rare or aggressive cancer, such as mesothelioma.

While fitness benefits cancer patients in any stage, such as diagnoses and remission, it mostly benefits patients who are currently undergoing treatment. Fitness won't cure the cancer, but it can greatly aid the body. Radiation treatment and surgery can hurt healthy tissues and cells while killing the cancer cells. This forces the body to work overtime to repair itself. As a result, the patient may feel extremely fatigued, nauseous and tired at the same time. However, fitness can help combat these side effects, greatly improving the patient's health quality and well-being.

There are other ways that fitness helps cancer patients, as well. Exercise keeps the body's functions working properly, not allowing them to become weak. Such systems include the respiratory, circulatory and immune system. Additionally, exercises purge harmful toxins from the body. Detoxification is essential for feeling healthy and having more energy.

Cancer clinics understand just how important fitness is to cancer patients. Therefore, they have incorporated various fitness programs into their overall therapy program. They also understand that different cancer patients will require different exercise routines. Many cancer clinics employ personal trainers who also understand cancer patients' specific needs.

This article also lists some important reasons why fitness is important for cancer patients. Never allow cancer to bring you down. There are ways to help yourself.

By: David Haas

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

next chemo earlier than expected

I'm finally starting to feel better. Unfortunately I have stacked up my planner like there is no tomorrow. Now I'm running on reserve battery. I have to take it easy. I really feel the need to relax, take baths, use a hot tub, listen to relaxing music and just to recover. I never had that feeling before, I always kept myself busy. My next chemo treatment is wednesday. Two days early, usually I run 2 or 3 days late.
I'm not ready yet.
I was reading a book today that my friend gave me. It's called "heaven is for real"
I don't know if you have read it or heard about it. It's about a 4 year old boy who had emergency surgery and months later his parents found out that he was talking about Jesus and his angels in heaven. He was telling them that he left his body and went to heaven. I thought the book was kind of boring and I kept skipping to the parts where he was talking about heaven. Didn't sound very believable to me but then something caught my attention. In the middle of the book there were some pictures of the little boy and his family and a drawing of Jesus. The drawing is called "Prince of Peace"  by Akiane Kramarik
I was shocked when I saw it.
I don't know if you remember my post from when I had a dream about god. This is what I wrote 8/10/11:
 I was always very religious, that's how I have been raised but didn't have a good relationship with god. Now I feel closer to him than ever. Don't ask me why. I can feel him right next to me all the time. Last night I was even dreaming of him. I know this might sound totally insane but it's true. He had dark hair and a dark beard. I couldn't believe that I was able to see him. I always imagined an old man with grey hair and a grey beard. But he looked so strong and powerful. I was kind of scared of him but my heart was so warm because I felt the love for him. He was not smiling and he was worried about something. And he said, don't worry child. I didn't want to go back because I knew I was safe with him, but he sent me back. I woke up and saw my daughter.

So I was obviously talking about god. You have to know I'm from a catholic background. God, Jesus and the holy spirit are one person.
The picture of Jesus by Akiane Kramarik was the same as god looked like in my dream.


This is the picture. I have never seen it before. It looks scary but comforting at the same time.
I was thinking for days about that dream. There was something I was trying to remember about him but I just didn't know what it was. Something was sticking out that I tried to lock into my memory forever.
It was his eyes. He had eyes I have never seen on a human before. The little boy in the book decried his eyes too. He said to his dad "you should have seen his eyes"
A friend told me today nothing is a coincidence.
I saw Jesus in my dream. I was worried one day I will forget his face. Now I have a picture of him.
This is how I believed Jesus looked like all my life:


When I look at the first picture it gives me peace.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

what a mess!

It's friday night 2am and I can't sleep.
Most of my friends are coming home from the club or a party right about now. Some probably went to a movie or another even. Or were just hanging out somewhere. I wonder how many are going to Denny's or iHop. That's where I should be too.
But I'm laying in bed trying to get some sleep for about 2 hours now so I can go to church to praise the lord and thank him for all the miracles he has given me.
The reason I can't sleep is because I'm having horrible bone pain. It feels like my bones are about to shatter into a million pieces. Do you know that feeling you get in your back when you need to stretch  until you hear a popping sound and then you feel better. Well that's how I feel with every single bone in my body only without being able to pop it or get any kind of relief. My hip and my knees hurt the most.
My head has been hurting for about two days straight now. It's that kind of headache where you can feel the pain down under your eyes and your cheekbones. Way beyond migraine. Pain medicine doesn't make it any better.
Then there is my throat. I have blisters, sores and ulcers in my mouth, on the walls, my tongue and all the way down my throat. Imaging drinking a cup of boiled water mixed with some bleach. I wonder if it goes all the way into my stomach?
It makes it hard to breathe.
Chloe is with her grandparents tonight and I was hoping for a good night sleep. That did not work out, I should have known.
All I can think about is my next chemo and what it will do to me. Have you ever jumped out of an airplane? I know some people do it for fun but I would never do that. But it feels like somebody is pushing my to jump out of that plane. I'm afraid I won't recover before the next treatment and it will totally blow me away. What if I have to be hospitalized or won't be able to get out of bed?
I have to be strong...somehow. I'm doing everything to help my immune system to recover. No stress, vitamins, healthy foods, protein, tea, honey, lots of water and well, trying to get enough sleep. I feel like my times is running. Only 14 more days, I just have to get better.
I'm paranoid about germs now. I never thought I would get that way. I paranoid about what I eat or drink or which places I go to. I just can't take any chances.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel right now but I know eventually there will be.
I hope this doesn't look like I'm trying to get pity, I just want everyone to know how cancer feels like.
I wish everything could be like it used to be. I had a good life and I always appreciated it. I never complained that my car wasn't good enough, that I didn't have enough money, that what I had wasn't good enough, so I know for sure this is not a lesson for me. I still saw the beauty in people, appreciate the nature and cherished what I had. I'm not being punished. A cancer survivor called me this week and said something so interesting and simple. She said god didn't give us cancer for a reason and neither did the devil. It's just an imbalance of the environment we created that randomly broke out in our body. Could have been anyone else. Could have been YOU. But what we make out of it is a different thing because we have control over that.
The only thing I always wonder about is why chemotherapy is so hard on my body? I met women that were twice my age who had almost no symptoms and were able to work and take care of three kids??
I was healthy all my life, never had any health problems and I need people to go to the store for me like I'm 85 years old.
All the breast cancer survivors tell me it will get better, trust me so I trust them.
Now I have heartburn again. Must be from the pain medication I just took. Great.
I took a hydrocodone because I really need to get some sleep tonight. Can't wait to fall asleep to see how I will die in my dream tonight.
My neighbors are so rude. They have techno music blasting at 2.30 am. That doesn't make it any easier!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

It hit me hard this time!

It's been a week since my last chemo. I'm still recovering. I just realized how easy I had it the first two times and I thought it was so hard.
I'm having bad stomach problems now. I remember when a friend called me after my first or second chemo and asked if she could bring some ginger ale and crackers. I was laughing so hard. I told her to bring me some shrimp hibachi. And this is where I'm now, eating soup and drinking ginger ale. Starving.
I've lost 5 pounds in that one week. Every time I eat or drink something my stomach cramps up like I'm having contractions. It did that every 20 min the first 4 days. It's getting better now, maybe my stomach is getting used to the small meals. Nausea medication makes it worse. It gives me heartburn...
So I'm trying things like plain yoghurt, ginger root, camomile tea and honey. That's all I can do.
My throat was hurting a couple of days ago and it looked like strep throat but today I found out I have mouth sores and ulcers. My entire mouth is covered with it. It makes eating and drinking even more painful but even swallowing and breathing is hard now. My doctor gave me a recipe for a mouth wash, made out of water, salt and baking soda.
I was hoping I was going to be better by today so I can start planing for our breast cancer walk on the 15th but it seems to get worse from day to day. My fingertips are almost numb and so are my toes. I'm having a hard time using a can opener and washing my hands is painful.
My vision has blurred and I think it's time to get out my glasses that I have not worn ummmm...ever.
When I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself anymore. I lost all my color and shine. I look dead.
Before I would spend hours in front of the mirror looking my best, now I spend hours looking normal.
Applying bronzer and blush to my cheeks to get some color. Putting lipstick on my purple lips. My eye color is still light blue and has not changed back. That does not help my ghost like appearance.
My skin is dry and cracked. I'm waiting for my finger nails to fall off. I always thought that would never happen to me but I said the same thing about the mouth sores. I mean what was I thinking? I'm doing the most aggressive chemo there is. I was just reading about the possible side effects. Blood cloths in the veins or lungs, heart failure, bleeding in the bladder, scarring of lung tissue, secondary cancer years after treatment and that's only a couple of things.
I'm scared to death. And this is just the beginning!
I just want to run away from it all, it's too much to handle. I'm too young to have cancer. My life was already a mess before I got sick, now imagine how it is now.
I sit at home most of the day. I'm scared to leave the house because I might get dizzy and faint. I'm scared to drive. I hate it. I was never a stay at home person. Chloe and I would run around at 9 in the morning already. It's making me depressed. I don't want to be around people because I'm scared I might catch a cold or even worse the flu. That would make me even more sick. I'm not allowed to get a flu shot.
Today I did a photo shoot with my friend. I was only able to function 30% I feel like I'm wasting my time.
I have trouble sleeping at night. I'm either having cramps or nightmares. Last night I was dreaming we got attacked by the Iraqis. I saw the planes coming and the missiles flying. I was in a building and a helicopter crashed into it and exploded. The building tumbled and I suffocated.
I also could have sworn a white light flew by my face while I was sleeping. I felt the wind of it in my face. I remember waking up and wondering if it was an angel. I know I was hallucinating again, it just seems so real every time.
All my plans I made before this chemo are on hold. I'm still putting up my photography website and doing photo shoots here and there but everything else just seems impossible. I'm very disappointed but I should have known better. I don't have much motivation to do anything either. I was very excited about breast cancer month but I'm already sick of it. I was planning on going to every single event to tell everyone my story to possible save some lives but now I just want someone to save my life. All I'm looking forward to is february. That's when I will have this horrible poison out of my body, hopefully without a heart or liver defect. I just want to skip all the holidays and move on. I wonder if christmas will ever be the same again.
This christmas will be the saddest of all. Not only am I sick but I'm without my mom and without my husband. At least I have Chloe.
I had an interview with a news channel the other day. I hated it. But I just had to do it for the awareness. When I first got diagnosed my plan was it to go on TV to reach as many young people as possible. I did that now and I won't ever go on Tv again.
Every day I look at myself and think- I'm too young to have cancer. It's not fair
But I have to go on somehow. I know my daughter needs her mom. Every day I look at her as a miracle, god would not take me away from her.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

3 down

I'm having a very hard time typing this but I'm doing it for all my friends and family, cancer patients and survivors because I want you to know how I feel.
A friend of mine commented on one of my pictures on Fb today. It was a picture of me with long hair, before I got sick. I have not seen her for about a year. She wrote how long my hair has gotten... That was so weird. I wanted to write, that's not me anymore. I'm a different person now. But then I asked myself why I am different without the hair. It's not just the hair, everything is different now. I don't want to think about that right now...

I had chemo 4 days ago. I'm still sick. It's not the same sick though. I can't tell if it's worse or easier it just feels horrible. Only one thing was different this time. I did not have to take the strong pain meds like the first 2 times. I actually choose not to. It didn't make a difference other than that I saved myself from the side effects from the pain meds. I think that was very smart of me. People easily take medications for all kinds of discomfort. Sometimes you just need some Ginger Ale, honey or a hot tea. I'm so glad my mom raised me that way. Because this is how it would usually go: I feel nauseated, take medications for that-that gives me heartburn, so I take something for the heartburn-that gives me constipation, take something for that-gives me an upset stomach!!!
I learned that there is no help for me for about 5 days after chemo. I just have to feel miserable and no pill can fix it. But god wouldn't give me anything I can't handle.

The only thing I don't know how to handle are the nightmares. I found out that not only the narcotics give me nightmares but the chemo drugs itself too. Or it might be just a mental thing, I don't think I will ever find out.
Last night I was dreaming that I was on a roller coaster. My friend was there too. I was falling off and he was pulling me back. That went on for hours. I never liked roller coasters.

I'm having a hard time eating this time. The last 2 times I gained weight and was eating everything. This time a drink of water makes my stomach upset. I'm starting to get really hungry now because I was never a "diet kind of girl" I try really hard to drink enough water. The chemo makes the water taste horrible right now.

I can't wait to get better. I want to be able to take care of myself again. I feel like I have been sick for 3 months. Maybe 2 more days...